The career of King’s Road bad boy Kevin Pittaway has been cut short after he was banished Down Under for abusing an umpire.
Kev, aka KP or, to his teenage fans, K-Pitz, will now serve out his life sentence in Oz after eight years of terrorising umpires, players and random James May lookalikes.
And that wasn’t the full extent of his crimes – Kev made as many headlines off the field as on it with a series of questionable choices when it came to the ladies.
Kev’s favourite shot is the pull, which he first demonstrated on the club’s tour to Swansea in 2007.
There he met a delightful Welshie called Morag, who also happened to look like a witch. And dress like a smurf, as the evidence below shows.
Note: Kev will not have seen this – I nicked it from her Facebook page when, obviously stalking her man, she tried to friend request me…
I declined, obviously, unlike Kev who even got her to come down to London, the cad.
In 2011 he injured his ankle and was out for nearly two years – the wimp.
We can’t remember but it was probably when he did his hilarious – but embarrassing – once, twice, three times a lady attempt to field the ball that, if we’d have put it on YouTube, would have amused millions.
Two years ago he was part of the side that beat Cairns Fudge to win the London Premier League, perhaps our club’s finest hour.
In that match Kev took 2 for 14, but his participation will not be remembered for that.
Oh no… it will be remembered because KP went nuts at the umpire and called him a c**t – just because he called a wide to a ball that was, err, wide.
That won him the 2013 Tantrum of the Year award.
In our next match with the Fudge they were so scared of him they let him have an astonishing 3 wickets for 0 runs, and then they lobbed two catches up to him.
On another occasion, this time at Haydon’s Road, he stormed up to an innocent long-haired chap – who happened to look like Top Gear guy James May – and went completely mental at him. For no reason.
The poor fella had dared to step onto the field of play and ever so politely apologised, but Kev launched a volley of abuse at him, totally ignoring the guy’s obvious good nature.
That was bad Kev – poor James May didn’t deserve it.
When he wasn’t turning into “C**t Kev”, as his university friends call him, he served as the club’s social secretary, treasurer and captained the side on several occasions.
Despite his poorly ankle, Kev played in 62 recorded matches for King’s Road – his first against the Battersea Badgers in 2008, and his last against the Sunday Times Occasionals last weekend.
Used mainly as an opening bowler, he sent down 355 accurate overs, taking 78 wickets at an average of 21.26, with a best of 4 for 26 against the London Itinerants in 2014.
In 2010 he won Bowler of the Year and last year he was top of the London Premier League bowling charts, taking 9 wickets at 4.67.
His best batting performance came in 2009, scoring 43 in a thrilling partnership with Leon Watson in a Twenty20 against the Badgers at Tooting Bec Common.
Overall he scored 367 runs in 54 innings, averaging 8.53.