It’s swan hell of a tour! King’s Road ‘tort’ a lesson by the Swansea Law Society

WHAT goes on tour stays on tour, obviously.

Unfortunately for The Road though that rule doesn’t apply to whatย went on in their game against Swansea Law Society at the city’s historic county ground.

And no doubt the tourists would rather just bury their head in the sand and hope nobody finds out.

It all started well, with Captain Raju Mazumder winning the toss, deciding to bat and sending out an all-Welsh opening partnership of David Hughes and James Pritchard.

But straight away thingsย went very wrong in The Road’s champagne fixture at St Helen’s on the seafront.

Dave and Pritch – the brace of boyos – returned to the hutch almost as quickly as they strode out to theย plushย First Classย wicket, looking very sheepish after getting out to baa’d shots.

Pritch was firstย to fall when heย branded his bat like an imaginary light sabre, and made the lawyers Luke far too good.

Trying to start the gentlemen’s game off with a one when he should have shouted for two, Pritch might as well have just closed his eyes and used the Force.

Moments later beefy Welshman Dave got a rarebit of swing – a ball that was going way outside off and darted back in the air to clip his leg stump.

To see the match scorecard click HERE.To see Amir’s snaps from the tour click HERE.

It was a ball that even the solicitors must have thought broke all the laws of physics.

King of The Road Leon Watson was then given out lbw on 7 dancing down the wicket – a decision even the oppo thought was harsh.

The unfortunate umpire who judged Leon out must have been left feeling sick that night after he saw the replays. But after the plea and directions have been made, there’s no Court of Appeal in cricket.

Beefy Matt Cocken managed to hold his breath long enough to get 9, which was really a 3 – before being forced to take a big gulp and accept he was out.

Jamie K walked in with the bat and looked on fire. He did everything he could to ride the wave but couldn’t, and his innings went up in smoke on 6.

Dan Chaplin, trying to make his case for the defence, also left early and Adam Majeed was sent down soon after.

There was one bright spot for the Orange Caps though – a career-best knock of 17 from Chris Beckett.

While Sir Gary Sobers may have famously hit six sixes in one over at the ground, no-one remembers him scoring three fours in a row – which is exactly what Becks did.

Chris’s one-man show off 14 balls was so unlike the rest of the team’s performance, it almost suggested he was now working freelance.

Chris Simmons’s innings however was like watching a car crash, and the Leicester City fan never got to celebrate his team’s goal of beating the Swans. No high fives for him then.

Kev was out on the pull on the Friday and thought the match was made for him.ย It wasย yet anotherย decision witch came back to hauntย the teamย though.

Beaten ... The Road
Beaten … The Road

On the other hand,ย James Couldrey, at number 11,ย deserved a pat on the head forย trying to tickle one down to leg.

But unlike Kev, as he was trying to score Jamesย got sent packing to the clubhouse – by a twinkle-toed old timer.

Later, James denied making his attacking play – but when that ball hit theย experienced fielder’s palms, it was clear to see he wasn’t trying to protect his middle stump.

Dan Chaplin tried to get in on the act and sprinkle some magic dust on The Road’s performance. Yet he got the same result as James – an earlyย cold shower.

Up next was Dan H, whoย went out to bring home the bacon and have the Law Society’s bowlers for breakfast. But likeย fellow Roader Leonย he came back empty handed.

Captain Raju had brought all the boys to the yard hoping to shake up the bowling and milkย anyย runs on offer. He couldn’t make the breast of it though and walked off with some bad mamories.

Like the others, he just looked ill at ease at the crease and quickly got creamed by the bowler.

By now – with THIRTEEN batsmen out forย a miserable score of 70ย – all there was left to salvage for The Road was pride.

In the first over of their reply, Dan H bagged a quickย wicket for the Orange Caps. King’s Road also had swing king Adam on board, and he stood up well to the task.

Adam came up with a seemingly wacky idea that he’d use the movement at St Helen’s to turn the tide against the Law Society.

Man of the moment ... career-best for Becks
Man of the moment … career-best for Becks

Steaming in like an extra from Apocalypse Now,ย the bandana-clad warriorย silenced the doubters by grabbing three quick wickets.

Oneย terrified batsman was heard muttering “Sheesha” as another ripper flew past his bat.

On the sidelines was Amir, who took no part in the match due to a dodgy ankle.

With just one ball to go he ran out of the ground when he didn’t need to.

Onlookers thought he was just too embarrassed to be the only Roader playing cricket that day who wouldn’t end up a loser – so he threw it all away.

In the end it was a disappointing start to The Road’s 2009 tour to Wales – but justice was seen to be done, and there was plenty more fun to come which won’t be reported.

* HOW many references to notable non-cricket moments or activities that may – or may not – have happened on the tour can you find in this report? Post your answer in the box below.

6 responses to “It’s swan hell of a tour! King’s Road ‘tort’ a lesson by the Swansea Law Society”

  1. adamzz Avatar
    adamzz

    witch…..haha!

  2. Jamie s Avatar
    Jamie s

    Leon, How comes you ALWAYS select a photograph of yourself even when you faced like 5 balls?

  3. leon Avatar
    leon

    Because I’m the best looking, blatantly…

  4. Car Crash Chris Avatar
    Car Crash Chris

    Car crash innings????Harsh…… In all fairness I was not out after 10 wickets went down and team Chris put on about 30 runs together which was nearly half the score.

    I think 4 not out off is 23 balls is quite respectable. About the same run rate as Danny Devito.

    EDIT: Just got the car crash pun. I see what you did there.

  5. Keats Avatar
    Keats

    HAHA Danny Devito!
    GOOD TIMES with the road.

  6. Beefy Avatar
    Beefy

    Look – we all agreed that Ray Winstone was more appropriate than Danny Devito.
    Bastards.